I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
