i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
