My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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