i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
