There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
