Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
