My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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