Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
