Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
