Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
