dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
