My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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