You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
