Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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