Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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