The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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