I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
