he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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