five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
