I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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