Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
