No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
