yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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