Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
