i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
