Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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