Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im holly from the hills drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize