I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
