Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
