Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
