okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
