brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
PANTIES FOUND
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