apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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