Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
