If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
