marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
