Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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