I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
