My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Too much gin, very little bucket
His hands were made for my vagina.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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