We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
