I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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