Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
