i would punch a child for taco bell
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize