Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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