All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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