imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
