If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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