Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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