Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
