he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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