Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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