I puked a lego.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
