Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
