Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
