bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
