And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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