I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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