Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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