I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
