Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
