I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize