This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
