I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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