I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
