She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I AM VODKA MAN
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
