youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
