Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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