I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
