she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
