Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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