Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
