you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
