I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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