YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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