Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
