His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
