Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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