There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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