forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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