White coat. Heels.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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