I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
