The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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