Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just found puke in my bra..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
