If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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