I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
