is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
