the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
