My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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