I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
