she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
