I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We are two peas in an std pod
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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