great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
