Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
