just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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