This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize