I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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