Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
