I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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