Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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