Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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