I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
