Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
