2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
