My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
