But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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