Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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