im drinking this country out of the recession.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
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