dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
